Journaling and stuff
I don't know how to use a journal. it's funny because I seem like I'd be someone that does.
I don't obviously why I say I don't because I don't. But I'm trying it because someone said it'd be good for thoughts,, and stuff
And I think verbalising thoughts made them scarier (Cz i wrote about myself and it lead to talking about being scared of the future because. of a lot of factors (climate change)) and well surely enough it didn't make it easier to work them through. I know it's to help you realise your thoughts, then take them in, digest, and carry on but when you've written it down it's written history now. Scary thinking that maybe, in a year, I'lll look back and realise I was only a bit silly about it. Maybe I'll be right, Maybe I'll think how silly it was.
Being scared of growing up, being scared of not being interesting, being scared of climate change, being scared of the future, being scared of what I could've done, being scared of what will happen afterwards, being scared in general is very in character of me. i think so because it's a natural response to things. I have everything I need to outlet my stuff, this blog and the journal I started and even then I can't seem to bury it down between my hobbies and studies and friends.
Sorry wait I realise how edgy this is HAUAHAAHAHHAHAH MY BAD
okay but yeah. I think I want to be done being scared. I'm turning 15 this year, 16 the next, 17 the next, 18 the next. I have time. I have time to grow, it's just a matter of if I want to start growing already or hang out in my safety net for the next few years and let it blow up in my face when I get there.
I understand I don't have to make myself grow up. And when I say grow up I don't mean abandoning childish interests (that's called giving up by the way) I mean abandoning fears and y'know, paranoia. I guess it doesn't help my dad loves listening to Joe Rogan, and y'know, he's conspiracycoded. No hate to him nor anyone but it's just constantly around and that's kind of scary
It's funny, I want this year to go well and be my glow up :) I'll get there, one day. Soon enough. Closing the laptop now to get myself off for a little while. Until then;
See ya later, aligator