The ever that has ever been
It's been a while, hasn't it? Sorry about that.
I stopped posting after October, but I've been here. Just popping in whenever I can to check out stuff going on... but I haven't been really posting.
Safe to say, most of what I predicted in my September post really happened. I crashed... majorly. Of course, on the surface to my peers, I've been great, but internally I've been questioning what makes me... me? What value does my art have - meaning, aesthetic, what's it that makes it mine? Why am I the way I am? For the while I spent pondering those questions was the while I spent away. Now I am back after having blown my life up multiple times, and virtually none of those questions are answered! Well, fully anyway. I know partially what it is... I guess.
I tried a lot of stuff! I painted outside in the blistering Filipino summer heat, I rollerskated inside the Mall, I read El Filibusterismo (and then fanfics based on it), I tried fancy calligraphy again, I broke up with my boyfriend. I will admit that was my fault alone. You know what they say - you gotta be able to be willing to put in the work to get better as a person. I'm trying, it's shitty of me to say that now, but I'm trying as hard as I can to just... not be myself. Which is why I've been so lost, I guess? The first stage is acceptance. If I can get through that... well, I suppose I could get through anything. Sorry, if you're reading this. I wish you the best. I'll happily pay back all you spent during the relationship, if ever.
It went downhill from there... I stopped drawing for a bit, but recently did discover I actually really love abstractionism... is that the term? I like this new style of art, I love that it allows me to inject my veins with meaning and get to work - just that it takes a while for me to make connections and thus create symbols... but honestly, it's okay. It lets me be more intentional! And in this fantastic era, intentional is everything baby.
I turned 16 this year. I didn't even register it being my birthday, because I didn't celebrate. I didn't want to add more to my mom's gigantic list of stuff to do, so I didn't ask really for anything in particular. My uncle did get married on my birthday though, so it was like, double not my birthday, HAHA!
Anyways, a new experience for me was going to a Cosplay convention.... in Cosplay. I went as a wizard. No particular wizard, I just wanted a ridiculously tall hat. Which I did achieve, made out of EVA foam! It measures until about where the top of my torso is, which isn't really crazy 'cause I'm painfully short. It did double my total height when worn though. I loved seeing people react to the hat! It's a joy seeing kids jaw drop when they pass me by. Plus, some people asked to get a photo with me, so it was a win-win for everyone. I wanna try my hand at making knight armour next, maybe next entry I'll be talking about it, hell yeah!
Finally, I have about a month until I must go back to the education institution. This time as a year 11. In senior high school. Oh, how SCARY. I'm not realllllly scared... I'll be taking arts-related subjects for my electives and so are most of my favourite friends, so I hope I'll be put on the same schedule as them for the classes. I'm pretty stoked to finally be able to breathe a little. Senior High School's apparently a little more lax compared to Junior High when it comes to stuff like gadgets, uniform, and overall just the general vibe of the place. Yes, it's harder, but hot damn do the teachers finally trust us not to be screw ups! Thanks, gang.
To end off, as always to you, hopes be many and woes be few; fortunes be abundant to you and your crew.